why did this all happen? what was the point of putting me thru that emotional turmoil? ok, it wasnt that huge a turmoil but still. so many things always enter the female mind. holding hands is not just holding hands. it's not just one thing you can do when you feel like it, and when you don't want to anymore, you can just forget about it. it's not just something you do when you feel a bit drunk and want some warmth.

i mean. holding hands. once that starts, the girl starts to think, why is he doing this? does he like me? will he call me tmrw? is he my bf now? how long will this last? and by the end of the night she'll be dreaming of things they can do and places they can go and the lovely time they'll have together. its not just as simple as holding hands. in the girl's mind, it never is.

this same thing happened over a year ago. i liked you. you knew i liked you. you held my hand at a party. and there was nothing else after. nth at all. i hear nth, i see nth, nth happens. so i let go. i try to forget. it hurt, but i managed to get over it.

and then last week, you hold my hand again. our fingers entertwined, you squeezing my palm, your hand around my waist. wat is this? wat are you trying to say??? we talk on the phone a few times, then after that, nth. i don hear from you, i don get an explanation from you, just nth. what the bloody hell la? goddammnit.

you pulled me into the whirlpool again, with my feelings for you. it was so hard to get over you, to stop thinking and obsessing over you, then you drag me back in. then you left, and im all alone again, trying to find a way out. you lured me into a trap, you bloody bastard.

wat am i supposed to do now? do i wait? or do i forget again? try to.